Toxic is just a word.

Photo by Linneas Boland-Godbey

What if...

there was no such thing as a “toxic person”

There has been a lot of talk lately about how it’s important to remove “toxic people” and “things” from your life. That will fix everything. Thinking you can remove toxins in your life by removing people or things can temporarily fix the problem, but it still remains within you to be healed. If you are still judging people or situations as anything but a perfect learning and forgiveness opportunity, it is still unhealed, and will show up again, and again in other situations or people.

Why?

Judging another as toxic or anything else that you don’t want or like, is thinking that you can unconsciously remove any guilt or ugliness within you, by projecting it onto another. You are making them the bad or wrong person and you the good or right.

The only way to truly find peace and joy in your life with other relationships, is by understanding that anything you think about another person directly reflects how you feel about yourself. If you see the world as a terrible place full of some people who don’t deserve love, as angry, mean or toxic, you will keep seeing it around you. Even if it is one person that you find intolerable, it is still something within you to be healed. Everything you see outside is an inner reflection of how you feel about yourself.

What if...

you looked at another person who is struggling, or unkind to you, depressed, angry, frustrated and any other unwanted label, as someone who is simply hurting and calling for love. It is someone who is in pain and trying to remove their own trauma by projecting it onto themselves or others. By knowing that it has nothing to do with you, it neutralizes your feelings about them. It doesn’t mean you need to stay in any relationship; it doesn't mean you have to “do” anything. It means you can choose to think differently. This practice is all on the level of thought.

You always have a choice on how you want to view someone. You can choose to see another through the eyes of Holy Spirit /Love, or see them through the eyes of your ego. These are your only two choices. One gives you the ability to forgive and move on, the other holds you both hostage. By holding on to anger, you feel like a victim, and you reinforce what the other person is thinking about themselves, even if unconsciously. The illusion continues.

Once you understand that there are only two thought systems which drive your choices, it gives you the freedom to decide how you want to view people and the world. Many people stay in relationships thinking that if they just continue forgiving and seeing the other person as holy, that everything will change and that person will change, but it’s not about changing the other person.

The only outcome you need to be concerned with when making a choice on how you view others, is how it affects your own inner peace. Everything else will fall into place. Ask for guidance from the loving part of your mind, and you will always be shown what to do. You have to be willing to let go of fear and judgement in order to make inner changes. You have to be willing to change your mind.

You can’t be with everyone all the time, and you get to choose with

whom you want to navigate through this world.

You deserve to be happy and peaceful. If that means moving on to new relationships, then you have the choice to do that without name calling or making the other person wrong. It is simply a preference. You know any relationship is healed when you think of the other person, and have no “toxic” labels for them; instead you see them as “another child of God who is working his/her way home”. Their journey happens with or without your physical presence.

You don't have to do this alone. Having someone reframe your relationships and help you learn how to really forgive, is helpful when you are stuck in ego and can’t see it for yourself.

Spiritual Intuitive | ACIM Coach