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Surviving Relationships Around the Holidays - A Course in Miracles Perspective
- Rev. Lora Nedkov
- 29 minutes ago
- 3 min read
The holidays promise warmth, connection, and celebration—but for many, they also bring up old wounds, strained family dynamics, unspoken expectations, and emotional overwhelm. It’s a time when relationships can feel more intense than usual. From an A Course in Miracles (ACIM) point of view, this intensity isn’t accidental. The holidays gather bodies together, but ACIM invites us to use this time to gather minds—to choose peace instead of conflict, and Love instead of fear.
In ACIM terms, every relationship is either a holy relationship or a special relationship, depending on which teacher we choose—the ego or the Holy Spirit.
The holidays simply magnify that choice.
Why Relationships Feel Harder During the Holidays
ACIM teaches that the ego uses relationships to reinforce separation. During the holidays, the ego sees a perfect opportunity:
• Old role expectations
“You should act this way because you’re part of this family. ”The ego thrives on roles, grievances, and the past.
• Pressure to “make everyone happy”
This activates guilt, obligation, and people-pleasing—all fear-based patterns.
• Emotional triggers from childhood
ACIM explains that the ego carries the past into the present and insists it is still real.
• Comparison and judgments
Who’s successful? Who’s failing? Who doesn’t “measure up”? The ego evaluates constantly, which ACIM describes as an attack on peace.
The holidays themselves are neutral; it is the meaning we give them that creates suffering.
ACIM’s Core Teaching: “Seek Not to Change the World, but Choose to Change Your Mind About the World.”
You can’t control how your relatives behave. You can’t stop someone from being critical or passive-aggressive or overly emotional.
But ACIM reminds us:
“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.”
The world doesn’t need to change for you to be at peace at the holiday dinner table. Your mind shifts first—and then the situation softens.
This is spiritual empowerment: You free yourself by choosing a different Teacher.
Turning Holiday Relationships into Holy Relationships
A holy relationship begins with one decision:
“I want to see this person through the eyes of Love.”
You don’t need both people to choose holiness; ACIM says it only takes one willing mind to transform the relationship.
Practical ACIM Tools for the Holidays
1. Pause and Ask:
“Do I want to be right, or do I want to be at peace?” The ego wants to win. The Holy Spirit wants peace.
2. Practice defencelessness
ACIM teaches that defence is a form of attack on yourself. You don’t need to explain, justify, or fix anyone.
3. Release the past
“Holidays always go badly.” "Dad always criticizes me.” “Mom never listens. ”These are ego stories based in the past. ACIM says: You can choose again.
4. Let the Holy Spirit reinterpret every encounter
Before walking into a gathering, silently ask:
“Let me see only what is true.”
This calls in a different perception—one grounded in forgiveness.
The Ego’s Holiday Playbook (and How to Disarm It)
ACIM says the ego uses relationships to maintain guilt. During the holidays, it whispers:
“They don’t appreciate you.”
“You’re not doing enough.”
“They should treat you better.”
“You’re the only one who cares.”
“You should be offended by what they said.”
The ego is invested in conflict, because conflict proves separation.
The antidote?
Choose not to take the bait.
Choose peace—just once, in one moment. That tiny shift invites miracles.
Holiday Survival Strategy: Forgiveness in Real Time
ACIM’s forgiveness is not condoning bad behaviour; it is recognizing the truth:
“Nothing real can be threatened.Nothing unreal exists.”
Your peace cannot be taken by a comment, a look, or an old family trigger.
Try this in the moment:
ACIM Forgiveness Practice
“I release this person from the role I assigned to them.I allow them to be as Love created them, not as my past made them.”
This dissolves the emotional charge immediately.
What a Peaceful ACIM Holiday Actually Looks Like
You pause before reacting.
You choose to listen without judgment.
You refuse to replay old stories.
You let go of expectations.
You bless instead of blame.
You leave when you need to—with love, not anger.
You honour your boundaries without guilt.
You remember you are there to extend Love, not to fix the past.
In this space, miracles flow effortlessly.
The Holidays Are a Classroom, Not a Test
ACIM reframes everything as a learning opportunity: each relationship, each trigger, each awkward moment is a chance to choose Love instead of fear.
You are not being tested. You are being invited.
Invited to remember who you are. Invited to remember who they are. Invited to return to peace.
Love Is the Real Holiday Gathering
No matter how chaotic the external setting may look, ACIM reminds us:
And even one moment of choosing Love blesses everyone present.
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